TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO MISS THE WORLD CUP

by Josh Stickler, jhstickler@hotmail.com, www.sticklersworld.blogspot.com

When you think of prostitutes and strippers a couple of things probably come to mind; the Duke Lacrosse Scandal, How do I get that stripper smell off of me before my girlfriend gets a whiff, or maybe it is Rivalfish co-founder Mike Raspatello working at Chippendales. Whatever it may be, forget it because now whenever you hear that simple word “Prostitute� you will forever think about the World Cup.

While perusing the sports tabloid, Sports Illustrated, yesterday I came upon an article about the major crackdown on illegal prostitution in Germany. In preparing for the games German authorities are checking to make sure all of their prostitutes are legal and up to code. Yep, it’s true, prostitution is legal in Germany. Now before you go and buy your plane ticket, let’s get something straight; I get first pick. I found out about this first, therefore I am first in line, so get to the back. Hey buddy, yeah you, I saw you trying to cut, get back there or I’ll drop you.

As I was saying, human rights organizations have been all over the prostitutes literally and figuratively, trying to make the games as safe as possible. So with that in mind I give you the Top Ten Reasons Why You Do Not Want to Miss the World Cup in Germany.

#10: Legalized Prostitution

You thought the crack whores on Santa Monica Blvd were hot stuff; wait till you see the Russian prostitutes that walk the streets of Berlin!


#9: Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my!

Goleo VI, the official mascot of the World Cup is a giant plush lion! He walks, he talks, He drinks like a sailor, and he has a tendency to pounce and eat unsuspecting children! But don’t worry he has a talking soccer ball that he carries around with him that keeps him under control!


#8: Mexicans will strike hard instead of going on strike!

Mexico’s team includes three of the top goal scorers in the World; Jared Borgetti, Jaime Lozano, and Francisco Fonseca. This team is going to be on fire with their hatred of the US fueling them. Not only for beating them in the qualifiers, but couple that with not letting their countryman come into the US illegally, and these guys are going to be pissed.


#7: It’s a sausagefest everyone can enjoy!

You got your Bratwurst, your Knockwurst, your Polish Sausage, your Vienna Beef Sausage, your Kraut, your German Potato Salad the list goes on and on. It’s a taste sensation that your mouth cannot miss and remember guys; ladies like the sausage too!


#6: You don’t need a ticket to be in the riot!

Yep, it’s true, FIFA has decided that in every city where there is a stadium there will also be a place where the mass public can get together and watch the games. It will be a massive party with music, spirits, heated rivalries, and more B.O. then you will find in any one place in the world minus a Dead show!


#5: John Travolta will be there!

After Striker John Aloisi for Australia scored the game winning penalty shot against Uruguay in the shootout during the World Cup Finals in Sydney, John Travolta swept into the locker room, sang some songs from Grease and probably tried to convert the whole team to Scientology!


#4: Germans like to be naked!

I’m serious, finally a place where it is socially acceptable for me to spread eagle in the town square. I’m never going to leave this place. Germans have lots of other quirks that you may find interesting, and whoever wrote this about them must have been smoking crack!


#3: Freddy “Gillette Best Young Player Candidate� Adu

At the ripe old age of 16, he plays for DC United of the MLS and is America’s only shot at actually being a contender in this year's World Cup. Give him two more years and he’ll be able to use those Gillette products to shave!


#2: Soccer Hooligans Unite!

You know them for their crazy outfits, their crazy hats, their crazy foul language, there drunken mischief, and the wake of destruction they leave in their path. If you have ever sat in the bleachers at Wrigley Field, now magnify the craziness, and bam! You got yourself a hooligan.


#1: Beer, Beer, and more Beer!

Enough Said!

So remember everyone, be safe, have fun, this is the World Cup. Or maybe it's the world’s biggest brothel. Either way you look at it, what happens in Germany stays in Germany!