BFFs!.....FOREVER

“As we constantly tout, us Rivalfish writers somehow have friends in the outside world. And they aren’t ALL bloggers. Just most of them. To keep in touch with our collective posse, we engage in an extensive group e-mail chain that allows us to speak freely, out from under the cock-strangling censorship of our overbearing mail-order girlfriends. And what do we do with that e-mail chain? We talk sports. In the meantime, our girlfriends try to save enough money cleaning houses to ship themselves back to their strife-ridden homelands. Good riddance! Just stop interrupting the game, ho! So if we are going to lose the “love’s of our lives� (or so we tell them every time we feel like getting laid) we might as well publish the e-mails that fill our cubicle-confined wieners with blood. Enjoy!� - Rival Room Editor

FROM PETE “DON’T CALL ME LARRY� KEELEY, LOSER BLOGGER BEHIND THE STRANGLY SUCCESFULL WWW.JO-TEL.EDITME.COM:

So Cubs fans, I'm curious. Even though you guys won your first series in nine years against an AL Central team that matters not, it doesn’t deflect thefact that you got swept last weekend when it actually mattered most. Prior got shelled. And you're falling ever farther towards the NL basement. However, you got swept by Detroit, which means the Sox sweep of the Reds didn't really help us gain anything (except on the wild card lead). Thankfully, our sweep of the Cardinals will.

So... what are your feelings? Would you have preferred a Cubs sweep even if it meant giving the Sox a 1.5 game lead in the Central? Or are you disgracing yourself as a citizen of Chicago by rooting for the city of Detroit to do anything other that fall into Lake Erie or Huron or whatever sewage-filled body of water upon which is rests?


RIVALFISHERMAN SCOTT “CORNELIOUS� MERZ, IN RESPONSE:

Viva Detroit!!

The Cubs season has come to the point much like a basketball or football team’s where you’ve been statistically eliminated from playoff contention (we’ve basically reached that point) and you can only hope that you lose every remaining game so you have the best chance of getting the #1 draft pick. Yes, it’s sad. Playboy and Tony Gwynn picked us to make the World Series but here we sit SIXTEEN games behind a Pujols-less Cardinals team before the All-Star break (D. Lee injury excuses won’t get you far when that happens).

The Cubs organization needs a wake up call. If I had it my way, Wrigley would be empty for the rest of the year (except for the Cubs v. Sox game we’re all going to) and the Tribune Company would go broke with the Cubs like they’re going broke with their media conglomerate (the f&%cking bastards already turned down an offer to sell the team to a group including Mark Cuban). I like the Sun Times better anyway. It opens like a book. I’d rather have the situation we’re in now than have a .500 season where we can simply blame a few injuries, bad luck and umpires and look forward to a “promising and healthy� next year. Heads should, and likely will, roll with a season like we’re having now. Baker should be first.

Spite and my dominant fantasy team, coincidentally named WhiteSoxSuck, is all I have to look forward to for the rest of the year. Wrigley is no longer the epicenter and emotional heart of my baseball world but is instead a huge outdoor bar where I can hopefully violently puke on the likes of Jacque Jones and Juan Pierre (leave it to the Cubs to sign the only 2 black French guys to ever play Major League Baseball.)

You guys will likely call me out for this, but I think I speak for the rest of us when I ask “so, uh, when do the Bears start?�