THE 50 GREATEST MOVIE RIVALRIES of ALL TIME

By Andy "Writeasaurus Rex" Kerns and the Rivalfish Staff

Versus. Man v. Man, Man v. Nature, Man v. Self. That simple, unassuming “v� symbolizes the one irrefutable constant that has defined human existence. No, it’s not a chalice. In fact, it’s just one-third of the equation. For man to discover who he truly is, he must oppose the yin to his yang. Man must face his most significant obstacles and threatening foes. Only then is “the rivalry� born, and the man complete.

Whether it’s an ongoing war or single, decisive battle...when good faces evil, there can only be one victor. Without a Goliath, there would be no David. Without a Sparta, there would be no Athens. Without the Yankees, there would be no Red Sox. As long as there’s a “them,� there will always be an “us.� Beyond the playing fields and battle fields, Hollywood has provided us with some of the most memorable and imaginative showdowns to grace the palette of human consciousness. The Silver Screen has immortalized these battles. Without further ado, Rivalfish is proud to present, The 50 Greatest Movie Rivalries of All Time.




50. William Wallace v. England – Braveheart

49. Indy v. The Boulder – Raiders of the Lost Ark

48. Colonel Sturtz v. The Horror – Apocalypse Now

47. Chet v. The “Ole 96er� (Six-pound steak) – The Great Outdoors

46. Rob Gordon v. Ian “Ray� Raymond – High Fidelity

45. Happy Gilmore v. Shooter McGavin – Happy Gilmore


44. Wild Thing v. The Duke – Major League

43. Tyler Durden v. Tyler Durden – Fight Club

42. Ghost Busters v. Gozer – Ghost Busters

41. Tony Montana v. A Mountain of Yeyo – Scarface

40. Andy Dufresne v. Five-Hundred Yards of Shit Smelling Foulness – The Shawshank Redemption

39. Andrew Beckett v. AIDS – Philadelphia

38. Clarice Starling v. Buffalo Bill – Silence of the Lambs

37. John Milner v. Bob Falfa – American Graffiti

36. The Guys v. Virginity – American Pie

35. T-1000 v. T-2000 – Terminator 2: Judgment Day

34. Walter Sobchak v. The Jesus – The Big Lebowski

33. Woody Allen v. Anxiety – Any Woody Allen Film

32. Shooter v. Alcohol – Hoosiers

31. Peter Gibbons v. Bill Lumbergh – Office Space

30. The Titanic v. The Iceberg – Titanic

29. Nelville Flynn v. The Motherf*ckin’ Snakes – Snakes on a Plane (coming soon)

28. “Dildo� Dunphy v. Mr. Funderberk – Outside Providence

27. Rambo v. Communism – Rambo: First Blood Part II

26. Benny Rodriguez v. The Beast – The Sandlot

25. Cinderella v. Evil Stepmother – Cinderella

24. Bill and Ted v. A History Report – Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

23. F-14 Tomcats v. Russian MiGs – Top Gun

22. Carl Spackler v. The Gopher – Caddyshack

21. Sarah v. Jareth The Goblin King – Labyrinth

20. Jeff Spicoli v. Mr. Hand – Fast Times At Ridgemont High

19. Pee-wee Herman v. Francis – Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

18. Wayne Campbell v. Benjamin Kane – Wayne’s World

17. Daniel LaRusso v. Johnny Lawrence – The Karate Kid

16. Mike McDermott v. Teddy KGB – Rounders

15. Kevin v. Marv and Harry – Home Alone

14. McMurphy v. Nurse Ratched – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

13. The Deltas v. Dean Wormer and the Omegas – Animal House

12. The Goonies v. The Fratellis – The Goonies

11. John Bender v. Principal Vernon – The Breakfast Club


10. Jaws v. Quint – Jaws

There’s no shame in getting beat by the best. And at least that salty ol’ dog got some singin’ and drinkin’ in before he got crunched up. And hey, if it came down to battle scars, Jaws had nothin’ on Quint.




9. Batman v. The Joker – Batman

Boy meets man, man kills boy’s parents, boy becomes bat, bat throws man in vat of acid, man becomes sadistic clown, bat and clown lock horns in epic battle for Gotham, Vicky Vale, and those wonderful toys. Pretty standard story, pretty exceptional rivalry.




8. The Crew v. HAL-9000 – 2001: A Space Odyssey

“Open the pod bay doors, HAL!� Let’s just say Kubrick was on to something when he offered this cautionary tale. Don’t be surprised when you’re begging your iPod for mercy ten years from now.




7. Luke Jackson v. Fifty Hard-Boiled Eggs – Cool Hand Luke

Takeru Kobayashi is lucky Luke went down in a blaze of glory outside that church, cuz if he were still around, he’d show that bun-dippin’ pansy a thing or two. Heck, I’d put money on him to eat sixty in twelve minutes...with the works!




6. Dorothy v. The Wicked Witch of the West – The Wizard of Oz

Who defeats an arch enemy with a bucket of water? Genius work Dorth!








5. Marty McFly v. Biff – Back to the Future

It all gets pretty confusing with the time travel and multiple generations, but one thing’s for sure: the second that buzz-cut buffoon stepped on screen, audiences worldwide wanted to knock his frickin' lights out. But George took care of it, thanks to a little pep talk from Junior.







4. Inigo Montoya v. The Six-fingered Man – The Princess Bride

Warning: If you’ve got six fingers and happen upon a sword-wielding Spaniard who greets you by saying, “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya,� consider yourself in the deepest of dung.






3. The Lords Of Hell v. The Babysitter – Adventures in Babysitting

Lords of Hell: Don't #$^@ with the Lords of Hell!

The gang leader throws a knife into the kid's foot. Elizabeth Shue yanks the knife from his shoe and holds it to the gang leader's neck.

Elizabeth Shue: Don't @#^# with the babysitter!








2. Luke Skywalker v. Darth Vader – Empire Strikes Back
Father v. Son. The Force v. The Dark Side. Good v. Evil. Light up your saber and slice this one any way you please – there will never be another rivalry that bears such weight.






1. Ferris Bueller v. Ed Rooney – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Watching that old bastard slump down the sidewalk at the end--with a bloody nose, chewed shoe, and desecrated spirit--is about as triumphant a moment as any in the long-standing war between students and the administration. Danke Schoen, Ferris. Baum, baum...chickachicka...

Editor's Note: Special thanks to the entire Rivalfish team and an ideological shout out to Amherst College's Austin Sarat, who once declared that "we rally around an enemy to become closer to those that are like us." We hear ya.