RIVALFISH's 50 GREATEST WWF RIVALRIES of ALL TIME!

by Ross Frank DiMarco III, rfdimar@pointpark.edu

When I was a young buck, I didn’t really need to watch anything on TV but WWF wrestling. I, much like many of kids my age, got ALL of the Pay Per Views and even went to a couple of house shows. I was obsessed.

Let me put to rest a rumor that I once heard: wrestling is real. These guys hated each other and did all they could to win matches. I compiled a list of the 50 Greatest WWF Wrestling Rivalries. The list is made up of mostly late-80s/early-mid-90s feuds. I consider this list to be my greatest masterpiece, and I’m sorry if I left off any of your personal favorites. I received some assistance from fellow Rivalfish Sweatshoppers Ryan O’Donnell and Danny Raspatello (who is a 100 times cooler than his brother, Tello Real).

50. Power and Glory (Hercules and Paul Roma) vs. The Rockers -- I feel Power and Glory never really achieved the success they should have.

49. Andre The Giant vs. Damien (Jake "The Snake" Roberts' snake) -- For some reason, Andre was terrified of that snake.

48. Mr. Perfect vs. The Red Rooster -- Really, I just wanted The Red Rooster to be on this list (He clucked his head like a rooster/retarded chicken for God's sake). He will probably never be on any list whatsoever…I felt he deserved it.

47. The Big Bossman vs. "The Mountie" Jacques Rougeau -- Their Jailhouse Brawl was one of the most memorable moments in my childhood. Coincidentally, The Big Bossman is now dead and he was, in fact, a prison guard in Cobb County, GA.

46. “The British Bulldog� Davey-Boy Smith vs. The Warlord -- These two were the strongest guys in the WWF at the time. They always seemed to have a test of strength at one point in the match.

45. Bret “The Hitman� Hart vs. “Mr.� Bob Backlund -- Hart always abandoned the Sharpshooter and finished Backlund with a crossface chicken-wing just to rub it in.

44. The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Razor Ramon -- I was kind of pissed when they joined forces and the 1-2-3 Kid eventually joined with DX. This was still a great rivalry when Monday Night Raw was still in its infancy.

43. Randy “Macho Man� Savage vs. "The First Lady Of Wrestling" Miss Elizabeth -- This may not be a rivalry, but that bitch was always keeping him down.

42. Doink the Clown vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler -- I truly believe that Lawler hated the whole concept of a wrestler dressing up as a clown. His hatred for Doink seemed so real.

41. Chyna vs Manhood -- Although Chyna ruined her image by going on the Surreal Life, she was huge and actually held the Intercontinental Title at one point. Nevertheless, we all know her real battle was against her inability to grow a dong. How is Chyna the same as a boardgame? The Game comes in their box.

40. Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger -- Before Luger was arrested for drug possession, he was the man that took the title away from that fat Japanese. Their feud lasted an entire year, and now, Yokozuna is dead and Luger is wrestling in TNA. So I guess in the end they both lost in this rivalry.

39. “Rowdy� Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T -- Their boxing match at Wrestlemania II was kind of lame, but their feud was phenomenal. The Hot Rod always knew how to make a rivalry shine.

38. Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Andy Kaufmann -- Okay, I'm sorry...this is a little before my time, but I believe Kaufmann deserves a spot on the list due to the 3 piledrivers he sustained from Lawler. I don’t care if it is “fake;� A piledriver is worse for your neck than my ex-girlfriend’s favorite hobby.

37. Iron Sheik vs. Hulk Hogan -- Just a classic showdown during the Iran-U.S. controversy. Bush and McMahon are allegadly in plans to reinstate this rivalry.

36. Randy "Macho Man" Savage vs. George "The Animal" Steele -- I still have nightmares when I think of Steele biting off the turnbuckle and chasing Miss Elizabeth around the ring.

35. Tatanka vs. "The Model" Rick Martel -- Martel was nasty back in the day. I mean, not only did he spray Tatanka with Arrogance, but he also stole his ceremonial feathers.

34. Randy "Macho Man" Savage vs. Hulk Hogan -- The breakup of the Mega Powers still upsets me to this day.

33. Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard aka Brain Busters vs. Demolition -- I always wondered how the Brain Busters won any matches. I think I could have benched more than both of them combined.

32. "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon -- These two used to fight to the death when they participated in Ladder Matches, particularly the first ever, at Wrestelmania X. Razor had the edge though. His grease made it impossible for HBK to climb the ladder, and only a man as greasy as Razor could climb through that.

31. Kane vs His Voice -- He use to talk with that stupid thing they give to smokers and the thing that Ned, the guy from South Park uses. Who said Vince McMahon isn’t a comedic genius?

30. Bad News Brown vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper -- Possibly the most racist thing ever done in the WWF was when Piper painted himself half black for their match up. But when you are marketing to the WWF's fanbase, Racism sells.

29. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Hulk Hogan vs. Randy "Macho Man" Savage and Zeus -- Hey, Hogan had to promote No Holds Barred as much as he could. Plus, who would have thought that Deebo would make this list?

28. Bushwackers vs. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers -- I had to put the Bushwackers on this list. Simply put. Who wants to argue? Shut up.

27. Real Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Man's Undertaker -- The fake Undertaker walked the ropes EXACTLY like the real one. Too bad the power of Paul Bearer's urn conquers all.

26. Sgt. Slaughter w/ General Adnan vs. The Ultimate Warrior -- This feud took place during Operation Desert Storm which leads me to ask the following question: Why must the WWF feel the need to capitalize on every political issue? Answer: Who cares...it makes for some great man-on-man wrestling action! This is kind of like Hollywood and their "way-too-soon" 9/11 movies.

25. "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty -- The Rockers had to be one of the best aerial assault tag teams in the history of the WWF. Then Michaels had to ruin their awesomeness by getting too big for his britches. HBK threw his old best friend and partner through a barbershop window.

24. "The Model" Rick Martel vs. Tito Santana -- Again, the breakup of Strike Force still upsets me.

23. Brother Love vs. Anyone babyface that went on his show -- If you were a babyface and you were going on "The Brother Love Show", the chances were pretty good that you were going to get jumped by a heel. IIIII LOOOOOVE YOOOOUUU!!!!

22. The Mega Powers (Hulk Hogan and Randy “Macho Man� Savage ) vs. The Twin Towers (Big Bossman and Akeem) -- *Sniff* *Sniff*

21. Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd -- That $15,000 Bodyslam Challenge was one of the greatest ideas the WWF ever came up with. Too bad "The Weasel" Bobby Heenan stole the bag full of money before Andre could get his hands on it...that bastard.

20. -The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez -- Was the Giant Gonzalez for real? Honestly, I hope Vince McMahon didn't pay him too much cash for his time spent in the WWF.

19. The Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy "Macho Man" Savage w/ Sensational Sherri -- Personally, I think these two should have had a better go around; but the Warrior gave Savage the proverbial pink slip when he beat him at Wrestlemania VII in a Career Ending Match.

18. Earthquake vs. Jake “The Snake� Roberts -- Earthquake gave Damien an Earthquake splash in the middle of the ring and made quakeburgers with it…poor snake.

17. "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels vs. Bret "The Hitman" Hart -- Everyone knows that Hart got jobbed in their classic match at Wrestlemania XII when Vince McMahon ordered for the referee to award the match to Michaels. Hart refused to leave the ring and supposedly punched McMahon backstage later that evening.

16. The Ultimate Warrior vs. "Ravishing" Rick Rude -- I wonder if those women that Rude kissed before each match had feelings for him? Hmmmm....

15. Virgil vs. "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase -- Ahhh...another plot by The Man to keep the black man from receiving any success in this world.

14. The Hart Foundation vs. Demolition -- These two tag teams always seemed to be locking horns. I know for a fact that Tello Real had a thing for Demolition due to their bondage costumes.

13. Hulk Hogan vs. The Undertaker -- The "Dead� one gave the "Immortal" one a piledriver on a steel chair...it doesn't get more badass than that.

12. Randy “Macho Man� Savage vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts -- Savage made the ultimate commitment to the WWF when he got bit by Roberts' python. Nevertheless, Savage had his revenge at "Tuesday Night in Texas."

11. HBK v. Diesel -- An accidental Superkick here, an unintentional stop on the hand there, being a sly duo of domination didn't seem to work out in the end for The Showstopper and his bodyguard. But Kevin Nash ended up famous out of the whol sha-bang, sha-banging roadie slut after NASCAR-daughter.

10. Legion of Doom vs. Demolition -- This could quite possibly be the best tag team rivalry of all time. Ax, Smash, Hawk, and Animal were all, at one point in time, at the top of the tag team ranks.


9. Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire vs. "Macho King" Randy Savage & "Queen" Sherri -- Okay, the Sapphire and Dusty Rhodes team might have been the funniest thing ever in wrestling. Does anyone remember the black and yellow polka dot costumes? Anyone? God, I suck.


8. The Undertaker and Papa Shango vs. Ultimate Warrior -- I can't decide which was cooler...The Undertaker shoving the Warrior in a casket, or Papa Shango casting a spell on him so black liquid came out of his eyes.




7. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka -- C'mon....Piper cracked Snuka over the head with a coconut on an episode of Piper's Pit...one of the best moments in wrestling history.




6. Randy "Macho Man" Savage vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat -- These two always had great high-flying match-ups together. It was also before Savage started on the Juice and was known more for his aerial assault.



5. Owen Hart vs. Zip Chord/Gravity -- Yeah, I went there. Who wants a piece?






4. “Rowdy� Roddy Piper vs. Hulk Hogan -- Again, a classic rivalry between the biggest babyface and the biggest heel at the time.





3. “Stone Cold� Steve Austin vs The Rock -- When wrestling regained its peak after the Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, and Savage days, and when the WCW couldn't get past WWF, it was because Austin and the Rock staged some of the most epic title matches of all time. When their entrance music sounded, I repeatedly had an erection.




2. The Undertaker vs. Mankind --Their Hell In A Cell Match in 1998 is considered by many as the greatest match ever (Is it a coincidence that it took place in Pittsburgh? I think not). These two never seemed to disappoint when they battled.




1. Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan -- Need I say anything?













Editor's Note: Enjoy the honorable mention WWF rivalries that didn't make our top 50. To read more of today's best sports humor/satire, return to Rivalfish's Rival Room.