RIVALFISH'S TOP 21 FOOD/BAND PAIRINGS FOR LOLLAPALOOZA 2006

by Rivalfish Producer/Music Writer Jonah Ansell, jonah.ansell@gmail.com

As tens of thousands of music lovers descend upon Lollapalooza 2006 for three days of amazing music this weekend, festival-goers will be susceptible to the gaping tourist traps inherent in any big city. Luckily, Chicago is Rivalfish's backyard. We learned to swim in its YMCA pools when we were a mere three years old. We've shivered our tuchus off in the Wrigley Fied Terrace Box seats every April since then. And best of all, we've eaten. There's a reason GQ ranked Chicago the best city for food in the country.

But if you only follow the concert-bracelet wearing tourists, you're not guaranteed to taste our finest fruits. And to steer you in the right direction, we've created the DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE BEST EATS IN THE CITY OF CHICAGO. We encourage you, to follow our advice, take a few steps off of Michigan Avenue, and see what Chicago is really about. And like the aspiring wine afficionados we are not, we won't waste your time trying to pair each food joint with a thanks-to-Sideways-trendy-Pinot...rather, we're going to pair each eatery with a corresponding Lollapalooza band.

RIVALFISH'S TOP 21 CHICAGO FOOD/BAND PAIRINGS FOR LOLLAPALOOZA 2006

1. Steak - Wildfire (Band: Wolfmother) - Wildfire is part of the Lettuce Entertain You chain, which is going to cause a stir amongst our readers that we're kicking off a list of the best food in Chicago with a chain restaurant, and not one of Chicago's unknown steakhouses, but the moment you lay your lips around the bleu-cheese encrusted filet, you won't regret your decision. And just as you can get Wildfire steak at various places around the city, so too have you heard Wolfmother once before, 30 years ago in the twisting guitar and howling voices of Led Zeppelin. But just because you can get it somewhere else, doesn't mean you won't want to see it live for yourself.

2. Greek - Greek Islands (Band: Sparta) - Whopa! Nothing like a Greek waiter with a hefty unibrow nearly setting you and your loved ones on fire just because he wants to thrust a delicious piece of flaming cheese onto your table. Accept the risk. Order the saganaki and the combination plate and understand first hand why we're the third fattest city in the U.S. You won't regret it. And when you're feeling sluggish after a massive plate of seasoned rice and potatoes, Sparta will rev you up and keep you so charged, you won't even feel the cholesterol clotting your arteries.

3. Italian Beef - Johnnies (Band: Gnarls Barkley) - You'd be a fool to miss either of these this year, nothing's going to be hotter than Gnarls Barkley's Crazy...and nothing is hotter or sweeter, than the peppers on a Johnnie's Italian Beef sandwich. No matter the hour, the line always extends out the door. The moment you taste this delicacy, you'll wonder why it hasn't yet made its way around the world. Though its a taste so potent, it could probably melt the polar ice caps, so perhaps its apocalptic-preventative safety that keeps this sandwich in the Midwest. Better than Philly's Cheesesteak, better than Buffalo's Wing, better than L.A.'s non-talent US Weekly-lens-hogging socialite.

4. Subs - Alpine (Band: Common) - Common's not your average rap artist and Alpine Subs isn't your average sandwich artist. The best sub sandwiches in the entire midwest, better than anything we've had on the West Coast, and we're pretty sure some NYC douchebag who graduated with honors from Middlebury might try to say something in the Big Apple's better, but take it from us, Alpine is worth the drive. We recommend the roast beef, which is beautifully rare. The potato salad is a must as well.

5. Pizza - Art of Pizza (Band: Red Hot Chili Peppers) - You'd let them headline the best festival of the summer but would you pour them on the best pizza in Chicago? Gino's East/Uno's/Lou Malnati's steal the limelight but the true gem is Art of Pizza. Make it your last meal before or after the Chili Peppers show to end your Chicago experience in true form.

6. Indian - Gaylord (Band: The Flaming Lips) - The Flaming Lips have always been known amongst festival going hippies as the band that never ceases to put on a SHIZZITY-SHIZZOW. Or was that Snoop who said that? Or was it the 8th grade white kid from Naperville, IL quoting Snoop who said that? Whatever it was, whoever said what, Gaylord delivers the best Indian food in the city. For a guaranteed party, head over to Gaylord for some Tikka Masala (extra spicy) and then cool your mouth with The Flaming Lips.

7. Hot Dog - Gene and Jude's (Band: Kanye West) - Kanye's one of Chicago's finest, a main player as we reemerge on the rap scene with smarter, catchier shit than the rap of a few years past. Head over to the West Side and bite into the simplicity of a Gene and Jude's dog. You L.A. types will quickly learn why Pink's is not all you think it is. They don't serve ketchup! And they probably don't support your faux-hawk, Hollywood.

8. Middle Eastern/Hookah - Kan Zaman (Band: Iron & Wine) - Chill out with some Iron & Wine and the sweet double apple smoke from a hookah brought directly to your table by a man too eager to share the wonders of his culture. Not eager creepy, eager awesome. Fantastic Baba Ghanouj, Hummos is stellar, and as the smoke billows from your lungs (sorry legislators who supported the smoking ban) mozy on over to the Iron & Wine show.

9. Barbecue Ribs - Twin Anchors (Band: The Disco Biscuits) - Get your fingers wet with sauce, get that leg shaking to the Disco Biscuits baseline and make this one sloppy, filthy, funky, nasty night. Don't let that cow die in vain....go devour its ribs with delicious barbecue flavors!

10. Thai - Star of Siam (Band: Blackalicious) - Don't let money change you!!! Da, dee, da, da, da, da, da, da dee, da da da da, da da....In the year 1990, Thai restaurants started popping up in Chicago like acne on Mark McGwire's back, pecs and grundle. Like trees in a forest all trying to reach higher than the other, only one stood out. Star of Siam, amazing food, cheap prices, only a quick cab ride away from Grant Park. A must eat when you're in town.

11. Breakfast - Orange (Band: The Go! Team) - Orange is one of the quirkiest places in the city, bubbling over with energy and creativity. Much like the latest pop/punk band to emerge from England, The Go! Team goes perfectly with Orange's fresh brewed coffee with a hint of real orange (better than it sounds) or their infamous Green Eggs and Ham. Don't forget to try their fruishi (fruit sushi)...guaranteed to cure all hangovers.

12. Buffet - Thai Classic (Band: Panic! At the Disco) - Let these Vegas boys lead you to what Vegas does best -- no, not raping the pocketbooks of chainsmoking 47-year-old white women, the buffet! But do it Chicago style, at one of the many places that sought to compete with Star of Siam. What they lack in culinary brilliance, they make up in solid food at great prices, in unlimited quantities. Just a stone's throw from Wrigley Field (ok, fine, 3 blocks to be exact) head here at high noon on the weekend and you're guaranteed to fill up as well as you would at the Bellagio. Let's just hope that Filipino stripper didn't nab your wallet.

13. Bar - Chicago Brauhaus (Band: Manishevitz) - A hidden gem up in Lincoln Square, a true German beer hall with a live oompa band, enormous stines of beer and the cliched but incredible "Das boot" - which requires a $50 deposit if you and a group of 10 (we recommend at least 10) are to order it. Granted, Manishevitz, one of Chicago's new musical gems, wouldn't normally go well with anything German, given, well....you know...but Rivalfish isn't going to get all Simon Wiesenthal on you, and we say, eat, drink, and head here after Lollapalooza to ensure yourself an epic experience.

14. Sushi - Sai Cafe (Band: Sonic Youth) - After 15 years together as a band, Sonic Youth has never failed to reinvent themselves. First headlining Lollapalooza in 1995, and parodied in the classic Simpsons episode "Homerpalooza," the band continues to reinvent itself, always churning out boundary challenging music. Sai Cafe always surprises in how they craft sushi, combining elements even the savviest mushroom tripper couldn't conjure up after listening to Kraftwerk in a pitchblack elevator for six straight hours.

15. Mexican - Nuevo Leon (Band: Manu Chao) - BYOB to the South Side. If it's Corona, they'll bring you a plate of fresh limes. No questions asked. It's that kind of proactiveness that separates Nuevo Leon from the many taco stand #2's that litter the city. For the best real Mexican, and for accompanying Spanish music, hit up Manu Chao and then "The New Lion" -- which if our AP Spanish study guide taught us anything is English for Nuevo Leon. Which sounds a bit like Simba from The Lion King, which is, embarassingly, my third Disney reference within this list.

16. Burger - Goldyburger's (Band: Ween) - Take a walk back in time as you head into this West Side dive bar touting the best burgers in all of Chicagoland. The eery music of Ween will only make it that much creepier, but sit back and help yourself to the spicy peppers that look much like that weird throat-lodged cicada from the Silence of the Lambs that Goldy's calls "appetizers."

17. Deli - Manny's (Band: Matisyahu) - Manny's is the best Jewish deli in the city and who better to pair it with than the hottest Hasidic reggae artist since....well, yeah. Catch Matisyahu and head south down Michigan Avenue for a cafeteria-style deli you'll never forget. The guy who cuts the corn beef has a pair of crazy eyes and a dexterous hand that knows how to throw a knife. Just get there before his eyes get too crazy, or you won't get a chance to eat your knish and you'll definitely never get a chance to call your grandmother in Boca.

18. Lunch - Perry's (Band: Umphrey's McGee) - Perry's rivals Manny's for best deli in the city, but wins out because of its location and appeal to Loop employees. Just like Umphrey's McGee, local boys who are rapidly gaining in their national appeal, Perry's has gone national too, mentioned in USA Today and other top media outlets due to its no-tolerance cell phone policy. But it's not the fact that they blast a loud siren if they catch your yuppie ass on a cell phone in the office, it's the sandwiches larger than a newborn bengal tiger that'll make you never want to leave Chicago for either of the coasts.

19. Seafood - Joe's Stone Crab (Band: Queens of the Stone Age) - Check out the Queens of the Stone Age then head up Michigan Ave for the best Stone Crab this side of an outtake of Sebastian getting served on a platter to Flotsam and Jetsom in the Little Mermaid. After a long hot day of music under the sun, you won't have patience to crack your own stone crab. Luckily, Joe's will do it for you. Peel back the shells and treat yourself to some class before you head back for the big nighttime headliners.

20. Italian - La Tavernetta (Band: Thievery Corporation) - Reinvent Lady & The Tramp classic style Italian romance at this underground dive in Lakeview. If the owner/waiter weren't so darn button cute he'd be cliche, but the way the word Gnocchi rolls off his tongue, do yourself a favor and just order it. The caliber of the food breaks any lingering cliches, but if you're still overcome by the red and white checkered tablecloth, the Thievery Corporation's downtempo electronica ought to add an all new vibe.

21. Southern - Wishbone Cafe (Band: Wilco) - Jesus don't cry when it comes to Wishbone's cornbread. He sobs. This comfort food is so spectacularly homey that it's the perfect place to head on Sunday to wrap up what will surely be a stellar Lollapalooza. Trust that you'll be pooped from the blistering sun and the elclectic music that you think your friends will be impressed by if you pretend that you like it. Book your reservations today!

Stay tuned throughout the weekend for more Lollapalooza coverage and check out Lollapalooza.com for specific times and band updates.