AMERICA'S HOTTEST DESPERATE BEARS' FAN NOW AVAILABLE ON EBAY

By Jonah Ansell, Rival Room Producer

Much has changed in the American dating scene since 1985. Most notably: the rise of technology. Voyeristic dating used to only come in the relatively tame form of Chuck Woolery's The Love Connection, where we could sit on our couches and watch schmucks with mullets get denied by girls with bangs. But with the rise of Match.com and JDate.com (where my grandmother wishes I would post a photo and profile), the way we date has radically changed forever. Our potential dating partners scour through information that we've carefully scripted to paint a picture of our "idealized" self, rather than our unexciting "actual" self, and we leave the burden on our potential date to wade through the bullshit.

And although technology has changed, fandom has not. Oh, and neither has the level of male desperation.

A recent posting on EBay reveals that one desperate (and smoking hot) Bears fan is making herself available as your "date" to the Super Bowl. She's already got her plane ticket, all she needs is....one of your tickets.

Sarah, 26, a Cornell graduate and Brentwood, CA resident has already received 47 bids for her "services," with the leading bid currently topping out at over $2,000. Sarah swears she's "not an escort," but her clearly fake boobs and LA residence make us wonder otherwise. And folks just because she lives in Brentwood, CA does NOT MEAN that Kato Kaelin is her houseguest, but we haven't yet ruled out that possibility.

Rivalfish CFO Scott Merz ran a few numbers for our readers and has calculated that our desperate EBay-bidding fellow Chicagoans are PAYING over $2,000 to have the opportunity to GIVE a $2,000 market-value ticket to this fellow Bears' fan, for a MINUTE CHANCE AT ACTUALLY BANGING HER.

With that price tag and those odds, one Bears' fan will be paying $4,300 for a 2% chance of intercourse with a hot female fan. Which means that this fan will be essentially be paying $215,000 for sex with ($4,300/2%). Oh, did we mention that Sarah will spring for the beer and food? What a generous doll, she is.

So Bears' fans, we know this day comes once every 20 years, but Rivalfish strongly suggests, on behalf of your loving wife, that you take one of your best buddies to the game instead of this hot young 20-something who would do just about anything for a ticket. But remember fellas, like Meatloaf, she won't do THAT.

See her original EBAY posting here: Got Tickets? Take Me as a Date 2 the Super Bowl

See her MySpace page here: www.myspace.com/spainy

Her hobbies include: . basketball * hiking * beach volleyball * running * football * cubs games * music, music, music, music * books, words, words, books * long hugs * skinny guys with chicken legs * meeting people who challenge me and make me live my life with my eyes open * going to concerts and drooling over lead singers * traveling to new places and learning about different cultures * kissing * camping and roadtripping to see bands * sitting around a fire singing to a guitar * doing improv comedy and trying to get my career going as a tv host/sportscaster * learning, reading and exploring as much as I possibly can * wandering down Michigan Ave. in Chi-town * spending all day at a beach v-ball tournament in Hermosa then going to a beach bar for a drink in a bucket * wine and a picnic on the lawn at the Getty * going to see improv/sketch shows * good back massages * playing flag football and bbqing with friends * costume parties like "sleazy bosses and slutty secretaries" and "golf pros and tennis hos" * figuring out how to deal with all the crap life throws at you and how to learn from it * push-up pops and fat frogs * making out during a thunderstorm with rain pounding on the roof * photographs * rollerblading at mock speed at the beach * cooking * watching movies * flowers * haplessly rooting for the bears, cubs, bulls and t-wolves * lying in my hammock at my house in michigan * reading a book that changes my life * the hollywood scene can be entertaining sometimes (I like to find out the going rate for l.a. gold-diggers) * beer pong and flipcup tourneys * dinner parties and great conversations that last for hours * responding to "how tall are you" and "are those real" at least twice a day * schooling boys in pick-up bball * hitting on short dudes (with no intention of following through) * hustling people in pool and darts * pickin out my white-girl fro * making people laugh * candles that smell like cupcakes * men in football pants * talking shit in sports * perfecting the art of being a sarcastic bitch ; )

She's a 1998 graduate of Lake Forest High School (Vince Vaughn's alma mater) and she's got brains too! A 2002 graduate of Cornell, this beauty clearly knows how to market her goods in today's marketplace.

And best of all, she writes a better Super Bowl Shuffle Remix than our lame effort here at Rivalfish, so you gotta give her some cred!

And the big question is, would you pay over $2,000 just to sit next to this young lady?