Top 30 Villains in a Sports Movie

by Dan Raspatello, draspate@gmail.com

Because without Villians, our favorite underdogs would've gone totally unnoticed.

30. Necessary Roughness (1991) - Villain: Dean Phillip Elias (Larry Miller)

Does anybody else remember Jason Bateman playing the 35 year old QBs dorky sidekick? Sinbad was also very believable as a Science Professor...

29. Tin Cup (1996) - Villain: Golf Pro David Simms (Don Johnson)

However, the biggest villain in this movie may have been that Roy "Tin Cup" McAvoy treats golf like a testosterone contest and always has to go for the green instead of laying up. But then again Rene Russo was looking for a guy who had the balls to go for it. This movie is also credited for making the 7-iron the sexiest club in the bag.

28. Rounders (1999) - Villain: Teddy KGB (John Malkovich)

After this movie Oreo's stock dropped 3 points.

27. The Longest Yard (1974) - Villain: Warden Hazen

26. White Men Can't Jump (1992) - Villain: Each Other

Sidney Dean (Wesley Snipes) and Billy Hoyle (Woody Harrelson) proved once again that black and white people really can't trust each other. Ever since this film was made, Rosie Perez has been viewed by the Latin American population as the Rosa Parks of Jeopardy!

25. Jerry Maguire (1996) - Villain: Bob Sugar (Jay Mohr)

Jay Mohr is also the only actor in this movie whose career is currently in worse shape than Tom Cruise's.

24. The Bad News Bears (1976) - Villain: The Yankees (best team in little league)

"All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron!" - 11 year old Shortstop Tanner Doyle describing the make-up of The Bad News Bears' roster. The good old '70's: when children using racial slurs in movies was totally socially acceptable. The Yankees try to make friends with the Bears at the end of the movie, but SS Tanner Doyle is not feeling it. "Hey Yankees... you can take your apology and your trophy and shove 'em straight up your ass!"

23. D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) - Villain: Iceland Coach Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson (Carsten Norgaard)

Between the Cold War and The War on Terror moviemakers had to really use their imagination to find villains in sports movies.

22. The Hurricane (1999) - Villain: Racist Establishment of New Jersey

Real classy, Jersey, real classy.

21. Hoop Dreams (1994) - Villain: Socioeconomic Class

20. Hoosiers (1986) - Villain: Population

This movie is the Godfather of all movies based in small town Indiana.

19. Bull Durham (1988) - Villain: Ageism

18. Rocky III (1982) - Villain: Clubber Lang (Mr. T)

Italian men rejoice once again as Rocky beats up another black man.

17. Major League - Villain: Yankees' Slugger, Clue Heywood (Peter Vuckovich), and Closer, 'Duke' Temple (Steve Yeager)

"Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor." - Indians broadcaster, Harry Doyle

The 'Duke' is so nasty that he threw at his own son in a father-son game.

16. Rocky (1976) - Villain: Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers)

Overly-confident, trash-talking, flamboyant, and wealthy African-American man is pitted against hard-working, humble, poor, and extremely nice Italian man in the greatest underdog story ever. A young Sylvester Stallone cannot understand why some view this movie as subtly racist.

15. Field of Dreams (1989) - Villain: Banker-brother-in-law Mark (Timothy Busfield)

Mark, your "foreclosure on the farm" threat was as empty as a Carmela "I am going to leave you, Tony" threat in The Sopranos.

14. Caddyshack (1980) - Villain: Judge Elihu Smails (Ted Knight)

13. Brian's Song (1971) - Villain: Cancer

Before this tear-jerker-movie, cancer was widely viewed as a "good" disease. This movie not only showed us that cancer is terrible, but also proved that every Chicago Bear is a great human being (even Tank Johnson).

12. Major League (1989) - Villain: Cleveland Indians Owner, Rachel Phelps (Margaret Whitton)

"I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel." - Manager Lou Brown

11. Breaking Away (1979) - Villain: College Snobs

The first and last movie that Dennis Quaid is good in.

10. The Program (1993) - Villain: Alcoholism

If alcoholism wasn't a genetic disease passed from generation to generation then Joe Kane would've won a Heisman Trophy and a National Championship. This movie also proved that steroids and car windows are not a good combination.

9. Kingpin (1996) – Villain: Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray)

Didn’t I tell you to call me Ern or Big Ern?

8. The Mighty Ducks (1992) - Villain: The Hawks and their coach, Jack Reilly (Lane Smith)

The only realistic thing about the entire movie is the behavior of Coach Reilly in handling competitive youth hockey. However, I do have to tip my hat to the writer and director of this movie for showing that if black kids did grow up playing hockey, not only would they be better than white kids, but they would also come up with creative shit, such as the "Flying V."

7. Happy Gilmore (1996) - Villain: Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)

I played golf the other day with Rivalfish founders, Mike Raspatello and Jonah Ansell, and they both spend more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff. No matter what movie McDonald has been in since Happy Gilmore, he is still Shooter McGavin and still an asshole.

6. The Sandlot (1993) - Villain: The Beast (Hercules)

Good ol' 1962; when life was so simple that hiding under your desk could save you from a nuclear bomb, married couples slept in separate beds (but could still make babies), and a pair of PF Flyers gave you the ability to outrun a killer dog.

5. A League of Their Own (1992) - Villain: The Second X Chromosome

Let's face it, in 1940's baseball, you needed to throw a Y chromosome in there to get taken seriously.

4. The Karate Kid (1984) - Villain: Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka)

Daniel "san" LaRusso has balls. I never would've fucked with Johnny or anybody at that bad ass Cobra Kai dojo, they don't fuck around, they sweep the leg. (Put him in a body bag, Johnny! HAHAHAHAHA!!)

3. Rocky IV (1985) - Villain: Captain Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren)

Even with the help of advanced technology and steroids Drago still can't touch Rocky, but he sure can kill Apollo Creed. More impressive than beating Drago, Rocky was able to give a speech that ended the Cold War.

2. Rudy (1993) - Villain: Rudy's athletic ability, size, and strength (Sean Astin)

Impressively Sean Astin plays the exact same character in Rudy that he does in The Goonies, Encino Man, and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

1. Miracle (2004) - Villain: The Soviet Union / Communism

This is simply the greatest story in the history of sports.