The TOP 30 Nicknames in Major League Baseball - Revealed & Deconstructed

TOP 30 NICKNAMES IN THE MLB (CURRENT PLAYERS ONLY)

by Dan Raspatello, draspatello@rivalfish.com

This list was contrived from three different criteria: creativity, humor, and how well-known/familiar the nickname is. Also, if you fell into the Magic Johnson Rule you were automatically eliminated (Magic Johnson Rule: If your nickname has become your name, and no longer holds any significance as a nickname). This eliminates such players as Chipper Jones and Woody Williams, but allows players such as Coco Crisp and Boof Bonser to stay because of sheer humor.

30. Francisco Rodriguez (Closer, Angels) – Nickname: K-Rod


29. Felix Hernandez (Starting Pitcher, Mariners) – Nickname: King Felix
The whole royalty nicknames are beyond overused.


28. Pat Burrell (Left Field, Phillies) – Nickname: Pat the BatPat Burrell cracks this list because of the irony of his nickname. Burrell is often criticized by Philly fans and media for his underperforming bat. As the Phils highest paid player (and under contract for two more years with a no-trade clause in the contract) one can only assume that Philly fans are going to abuse him worse than Santa Clause or Terrell Owens.


27. Greg Maddux (Starting Pitcher, Padres) – Nickname: Mad Dog and The Professor
If Maddux is on your roster I don’t see the point of paying your pitching coach. Sean Marshall and Brad Penny are just two of the young pitchers in baseball who credit Maddux for their recent success. I also like Mad Dog because that nickname sounds like you are about to face a guy who looks like Rod Beck or Todd Jones, and Maddux looks like a guy who is about to do your taxes.


26. Albert Puljos (First Base, Cardinals) – Nickname: Prince Albert, Phat Albert, and El Hombre
He should ditch the lame Prince Albert and Phat Albert, and stick with the more accurate description of him, El Hombre.


25. Mike Mussina (Starting Pitcher, Yankees) – Nickname: Moose

24. Mariano Rivera (Closer, Yankees) – Nickname: Super Mariano

23. Louis Gonzalez (Left Field, Dodgers) – Nickname: Gonzo
Gotta love how this nickname is a based off of his name and a nose that even an Italian or Jew wouldn’t want anything to do with.

22. Rafael Furcal (Shortstop, Dodgers) – Nickname: Nickname: El Enano (The Dwarf)
This great nickname almost made me forget that El Enano tried to say he was 22 when he was really 26.

21. Covelli “Coco” Crisp (Center Field, Red Sox) – Nickname: Coco
At first I just thought that Coco had real mean parents, but I later found out that the name mocked off of the wonderful chocolate cereal that turns your milk brown was given and not on his birth certificate.

20. Boof Bonser (Starting Pitcher, Twins) – Nickname: Boof
Born John Paul Bonser, he legally changed his name to Boof in 2001. I can’t believe somebody outside of a drunken college kid would legally change his name to Boof. In 2001 Boof sat down and said to himself, “I could stick with the Pope’s name or I could go with Boof… I think I will go with Boof.”

19. Todd Jones (Closer, Tigers) – Nickname: Roller Coaster
This nickname is derived from his heart-attack-stomach-turning save attempts.

18. Alex Rodriguez (Third Base, Yankees) – Nickname: A-Rod

17. Orlando Hernandez (Starting Pitcher, Mets) – Nickname: El Duque

16. Randy Johnson (Starting Pitcher, Diamondbacks) – Nickname: Big Unit
How did the Big Unit not get an Academy Award nomination for his role in Little Big League?

15. Hideki Matsui (Left Field, Yankees) – Nickname: Godzilla
The first baseball player who turns pro from Skull Island is so gonna be named King Kong

14. Doug Mientkiewicz (First Base, Yankees) – Nickname: Eye Chart
Eye Chart’s name comes from the difficulty to spell his last name (eye chart aka the board you look at during an eye exam).

13. David Wells (Starting Pitcher, Padres) – Nickname: Boomer

12. Sammy Sosa (Designated Hitter, Rangers) – Nickname: Slammin’ Sammy and Say it Ain’t Sosa
Say it Ain’t Sosa would be higher up if the nickname didn’t take on a different meaning after he corked his bat. On a side note, can Sosa and Ozzie Guillen get together with an English tutor and finally master the English Language? It’s getting ridiculous.

11. Sean Casey (First Base, Tigers) – Nickname: The Mayor
The Mayor received his nickname for being the friendliest and most likeable player in the MLB. The Mayor’s personality will probably prolong his career at least 2 years (it may have already prolonged it 1 year).

10. Tadahito Iguchi (Second Base, Phillies) – Nickname: Gooch
According to the very reliable source Urban Dictionary, “gooch” is another word for “grundle.” For a more graphic description, that my mother would be ashamed if I wrote, click on this http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gooch.

9. Kevin Youkilis (First Base, Red Sox) – Nickname: Greek God of Walks
Obviously this nickname comes from his Greek decent and because he sees more pitches per at bat than anyone in baseball. Since Youkilis is a practicing Jew, I am a little disappointed that the Jews didn’t try to nickname him first. It isn’t as if the Jews have an abundance of pro athletes floating around. However, as a half Jew I am happy to see that one of our few studs in pro sports is getting his moneys worth in each at bat. He capitalizes on each at bat like a Jewish girl at an Uggs sale.

8. Shane Victoriano (Right Field, Phillies) – Nickname: Flyin’ Hawaiian
Got to tip my hat to the boys in Philadelphia for coming up with one (fast + Hawaii native = Flyin’ Hawaiian).

7. Travis Hafner (Designated Hitter, Indians) – Nickname: Pronk
As Hafner was coming up through the minors he was known throughout the organization as “The Project.” During spring training of 2003 some of the players began to call him “Donkey” because of how he ran, so to avoid confusion Bill Selby began to call him “Pronk” (Project + Donkey = Pronk)


6. Frank Thomas (Designated Hitter, Blue Jays) – Nickname: Big Hurt
Ken “Hawk” Harrelson (White Sox broadcaster), like he has done with so many other players, came up with this perfect nickname for big Frank.

5. David Ortiz (Designated Hitter, Boston Red Sox) – Nickname: Big Papi, Senor October, and Cookie Monster
If you watch The Bronx is Burning on SAP you will hear Reggie Jackson called the same nickname as David Ortiz…


4. Freddy Garcia (Starting Pitcher, Phillies) – Nickname: The Chief
This nickname is hilarious because Freddy Garcia is rumored to be quite the stoner. The nickname supposedly comes from his similar appearance to the character “The Chief” in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (he is the character that takes too long to vote during the scene in which Jack Nicholson’s character is trying to get the nurse to let them watch The World Series). However, I am willing to bet that his nickname has more to do with his failed drug test before the World Baseball Classic in 2006 than the minor character in a ‘70’s movie.


3. Julio Franco (First Base, Braves) – Nickname: Father Time
I think Julio Franco is doing the opposite of most Dominican players when it comes to fibbing about his age. In fact I think he is really 39 instead of 49, and when he made his MLB debut in 1982 he was just a really mature looking 14-year-old.


2. Antonio Alfonseca (Relief Pitcher, Phillies) – Nickname: El Pulpo (The Octopus)
What a great nickname for a freak that has six fingers and six toes on each limb.


1. Derek Jeter (Shortstop, Yankees) – Nickname: Captain Clutch and Mr. November
Jeter is just praying that the World Series never carries over to November again (like it did in ’01 because of 9/11), and a Latin player comes up clutch, because that Latin player might pull a David Ortiz on his nickname.Honorable Mention: Ken Griffey Jr. (Junior and Kid), Alfonso Soriano (Fonz), John Maine (The Maine Event), Adam Dunn (Big Donkey), David Eckstein (X-Factor), Omar Vizquel (Little O), Billy Wagner (Billy the Kid), Jeff Weaver (Dream Weaver), Dontrelle Willis (D-Train), Joel Zumaya (Zoom Zoom)