SEAN SALISBURY IS LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN, ONLY NOT AT ALL

By Tony Riazzi
prayers4mojo@gmail.com

As you've no doubt already heard at this point, and in case you're wondering why John Clayton looks especially glowing these days, Sean Salisbury and ESPN have parted ways. And lo, what sweet sorrow his parting truly is. On the sweet hand, Salisbury is will no longer come on TV everyday and yell at me. His repeated verbal thrashings were beginning to take their toll. But on the sorrowful hand, sometimes it's sad to see the bully go. Sure he raised his voice and, on occasion, his hand, but he didn't mean anything by it. He loved me and never meant to hurt me. Actually, it was all my fault. I'm the one that upset him in the first place. Oh Sean, come back! When can I see you again?!? Oh, well judging by his comments in the LA Times, it looks like pretty soon unfortunately:

"I have created a brand and it's time to expand into other opportunities in TV, radio, Internet, publishing, movies and public speaking, among others. My resume speaks for itself."

Boy howdy has he created a brand! In fact, if I was to take the time to name all the products and manufactured wares that bear Salisbury's name, we'd be here until the end of this sentence. And that resume, phew, don't get me started. If your resume includes the words "host of BattleBots seasons 1 and 2" then yeah, I'd say you've got something to crow about. Much like Sean, that resume speaks loudly and clearly.

Make no mistake, Sean Salisbury is a brand name on par with the likes of Jellies or Fresca. A merchandising and promoting force to be reckoned with. You don't just land roles in Rob Schneider movies unless your name carries with it a certain level of respect. So what can we expect now from Salisbury? What are the above mentioned "other opportunities" he'll pursue?

Perhaps he'll dabble in one of his other interests: finance. He could always end up back on TV with the likes of CNBC or Bloomberg TV giving sound, not at all scripted financial advice. Then, as his popularity on a new network blossoms, maybe they'll even take the time to pull the house plants out of the way, leaving him free to gesticulate to his heart's content without fear of damaging a poorly placed fern.

Who knows what other adventures await a man of such talent and grace. Either way, he will be heard from again. Take heart, America, Sean Salisbury will not leave you when you need him most. Which, consequently, is all the time. So enjoy your time in the spotlight while you can John Clayton, because soon Salisbury will return and take it away from you like so much lunch money.